she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
