OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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