Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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