i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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