I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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