Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
