Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize