You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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