omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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