i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
