For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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