mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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