I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Im part way to drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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