Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
