They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
