My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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