I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
