Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm having to shit out rocks
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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