He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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