If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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