I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My dick has a subreddit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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