I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
