ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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