I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
