She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
