the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm having to shit out rocks
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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