I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
