so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
