when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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