You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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