All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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