ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
