I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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