I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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