Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
