Fine. I'll sleep in my office
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
