you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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