I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
