two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
