allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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