you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
