Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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