my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
