Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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