Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
