Sober January is a disaster.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
