My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
