Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I touched a dick in church today
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
