well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
