Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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