dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
