A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
