you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
