That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
