what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
