Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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