Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
