i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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