So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
