On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
