at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
