Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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