Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
