dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
