My balls are so social today.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
